Thursday 13

This week the Thursday Thirteen has toned it down a bit for a more 

thought-provoking list.

Normally I'm a pretty upbeat person, but we all have our secret desires.

We all wish for something more.

And, if you haven't checked out Annelise over at aunieSAUCE, you really ought to. She's one fab writer and cute to boot!

So, without further adieu, here's the list.

13 Things I wish/pray for on a daily basis:


1. For my child to be born healthy. This really goes without saying. I mean, who DOESN'T want the best for their child?


2. To have a better immune system. I realize that pregnancy has kind of stifled my sickness fighters, but come ON. I'm sick pretty much every other week! Can't it be just a little harder for me to catch things?

3. To find a job after we move. I know that it will be tough because of my bump, but we will need the extra income for a few months. I'd even settle for McDonald's. Again.

4. To have energy. So far, my list is pretty selfish. (Apart from number 1...) But this is a biggie for me. I sleep a LOT and I'm still dragging all day. I exercise. I eat right (kind of) and I still can hardly muster up the energy to shower or do the dishes.

5. For my little brother to wise up. He's only 13, but he's so naive. And, not the innocent kind. The "what-the-heck-were-you-thinking" kind. He's pretty sheltered, and I'm afraid that one of these days he's going to get the living snot beat out of him for saying something cocky to someone who's a lot bigger than he is.

6. To fully and completely overcome my depression. I used to hate myself. I used to hurt myself. I still have the scars as a reminder. I'm actually proud of those scars. I never want to get rid of them. They remind me of the darkest point in my life - a point that I never thought I would escape from. I'm proud of those scars because I can look at them now. Because I am alive. I still have a long way to go, but I appreciate how far I've come.


7. To find new ways of earning my husband's love. That man is absolutely, hands down, the most incredible man I've ever met. He is my soul mate and my friend. Some days I look at him and wonder what on God's green earth is wrong with him. How in the world did he end up with me? Sometimes I feel so undeserving of his love. But I know that he sees me. Truly sees me. I know that if I weren't what he needed, he wouldn't be with me - he wouldn't have married me. For that, I am thankful. I want to work every day to show him how much I appreciate him.

8. To stop wrongfully judging others. I know that I'm not alone when I say that I do this. Everyone does it. I find myself out in public thinking, "Holy cow. Look at that NOSE!" or... "It's not even windy. Why does their hair look like that?" Stupid, shallow things. I know I can be better than that. Those people don't deserve it. If I don't want to be judged, who am I to judge others?

9. To forgive my ex-husband. This will be the hardest thing on my list. How can I possibly forgive someone who completely destroyed me? I was numb, cynical and angry for an entire year after he left, while I covered it up with a smile. It was exhausting. Very few people knew the struggles I was facing inside. But, I'm happy now. And I know that if it weren't for him being a spineless (bleep), I would have never had the chance to fall for Nick. I wouldn't have been the kind of person that Nick needed. So, for that, I am grateful. I am, honestly, in my ex's debt.

10. To be a good mother. This is what keeps me up at night. This is what I worry about constantly. What am I doing? Am I even ready for this? Someone is going to be completely and totally dependent on me. I am literally holding her life in my hands. That scares me to death.

11. To prioritize my time. Granted, there are plenty of things I should be doing right now. Blogging is not one of them. I need to stop rationalizing with myself over why I do dumb things. I am my own worst critic. I am the harshest person that I have to be accountable to. Am I afraid of myself?

12. To stop being content. I've learned that when I'm content with where I am - or who I am - I stop trying to be better. I stop learning. I stop progressing. It's a vicious cycle. I'm happy - I'm lazy - I'm depressed - I try harder. Around and around it goes...

13. To just do the dang dishes! It's the chore that I despise. It's icky and smelly and it hurts my wimpy, pregnant back. Suck it up, Michelle. They aren't going to clean themselves.