Thursday, May 31, 2012

34 Weeks

Firstly, I'm sorry for the mess I've been making around here. I get so bored with the same look all the time and I don't have the cash to have someone else make my blog pretty for me. So, it's a trial and error thing for me to dink around with when I truly have nothing better to do with my time.

Secondly, I've been pretty lamesauce on posting "bump" pictures. So, here's a looker.

I had a doctor's appointment today, and let me tell you, I am NOT going to be using a male OB/GYN for the next kid. Not only is my doc a complete butt hole, but he's not exactly sympathetic to my symptoms and pains. Right, then. So I'll just punch you in the nads next time? Super. I'd change doctors, but the hospital in my town only has one OB, and I've only got a few weeks left, anyway.

Anyway, at this appointment of mine, I tell him my concerns about the swelling in my feet and ankles. I tell him about how painful it is to walk and ask if there's anything that I can do to help the situation. Nope, sorry. It's totally normal for your feet to look like water balloons and to feel like they're broken. Except, my mom and mother-in-law have both told me how un-normal they look and that I should get them checked out asap. My doctor also tells me that I've gained too much weight for my size and run the risk of being a "pudgy mommy" because it'll probably be really hard to lose the "excess weight" that I've gained.

Now, excuse me very much, but unless I'm mistaken, I haven't had an ultrasound since 20 weeks. He has no idea how much this kid weighs, or how much amniotic fluid I have. If the baby is perfectly healthy, and I'M perfectly healthy, why in the heck are you saying words like "pudgy mommy" to me? Now I'm definitely going to punch your happy sacks. He doesn't know that I work out like a psycho normally. He doesn't know that I was in the best shape of my life weighing in at 130 because I was almost solid muscle pre-pregnancy. So, pardon me, but you can kindly shut the hole in your face forever. Thaaaanks.

He also said that the baby is transverse, which is this:

And I'm well on my way to needing a c-section because she doesn't seem to be moving. Nice. 

Well, now that I'm nice and freaked out/pissed off, he tells me that I'm free to go and to have a nice day.

You too, bucko. I'll be back...

Friday, May 25, 2012

Curse you, Pinterest!

I am, by nature, an overzealous person. I see some cutesy DIY project and I think, "That doesn't look too hard. I can totally do that." Then, I buy all the stuff for it, and there it sits for months upon months. Oh, Pinterest. Why do you make me feel like a no good, lazy slob?

I have always longed to be considered a "crafty woman." My sister, Christina, is the crafty one. I'm lucky if I can look decent after getting dressed in the morning. Heck, I'm lucky if I get dressed in the morning and don't sit around in my jammies all day simply because they're comfortable.

So, back to Pinterest. I can sit on there for a good two hours repinning things that I will probably never do in my entire life, but I convince myself that I will. So, just for funsies, here are some things that I have repinned that I "plan on doing in the very near future." (aka: probably never.)

...Stupid Pinterest.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Excuse me, but I seem to have misplaced my ankles...

For those of you who have expressed sadness at my hiatus notice, never fear! I said that I wouldn't post AS MUCH. So, here I am to grace you with some snarkiness once again.

Yesterday, Nick's grandfather took us out shopping for some things that we desperately needed. Unfortunately, by the end of the day, my ankles and feet had swollen up so much that it was difficult to even wiggle my toes. You know that scene in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when Violet Beauregarde turns into a giant blueberry? 

You see how she no longer has arms? Well, pretend that her body is my foot, and her arms are my toes. ...Seriously. I could literally push in on my foot with my thumb and stare at a huge pit for about five minutes. Cute, huh? I know. Being pregnant is so glamorous.

On another note, I'm apparently long past the point where people are hesitant to mention pregnancy just in case I'm actually just fat. People have just started coming up to me, grabbing my belly and telling me all about their horrific labor stories and/or offering me "comforting words of wisdom." I'm sorry, but who the heck are you? Why are you touching me? Can I grab your belly, too? No? Jeez. Touchy, touchy.

I've decided that I need to make a shirt like this immediately and wear it whenever I go out in public. I am not joking. Or, I can simply follow Rebeka Kuschmider's snarky advice from her blog, Mom in a Million

If you're looking for other saucy mom blogs, check these lovely ladies out:


Once you're finished laughing your face off, I give you permission to come back and thank me for directing you to the highlight of your day.

You're welcome.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Hiatus Alert

First of all, I've gone around all day thinking it was Thursday. Nice. Secondly, I have been such a supergrump lately and I really have no desire at all to blog. Sorry, folks.

It's not that I don't love you. And it's not that I don't enjoy writing. I've just been running on fumes because I can't seem to sleep at night and everything makes me uncomfortable. I'm afraid that if I were to continue blogging regularly, it'd just be a huge whinefest. Yippee for you!

The point is, I will most likely be taking a temporary hiatus from blogging until after Alexa is born. (I know, I probably won't have any TIME then. But, I'll give it a whirl.) So, anyway, I may blog sporadically, but I probably won't post much - if at all - until July.

Remember me, and I'll be back soonish!

Aunie Sauce

Monday, May 14, 2012

Soap Box Maternity Monday

I am noticing more and more that the women who "loved being pregnant" haven't actually been pregnant for quite some time. I'm also noticing that those same women seem to look down on me for having the audacity to say that I dislike being pregnant. So, I will say this one last time...

Just because I'm not ecstatic about being a human vessel does not mean that I will love my child any less than you love yours. 

I dislike pregnancy. Not my baby. So, just go ahead and tell me how I feel about her. I dare you. No? Good idea.

I've always had a problem with people who tell me what I'm feeling and/or thinking. I'm sorry, are you me? Do you know every ounce of information there is to know about my pregnancy circumstances? No? Then keep your mouth shut. Yes, I may be hormonal and crabby. No, I haven't gotten much sleep lately and that's probably why I'm creating a new hole for you to breathe out of. But, seriously. What gives you the right to say these things to me? Do you know that every single piece of "advice" you give me makes me cry myself to sleep? Do you know that you are making me question whether or not I will be a good mother? Of course not. So, I'm telling you. 

Please, for the love of all that is good, pay attention to what you say and who you say it to. 

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Maternity... uh... Wednesdays

Whelp, I'm 31 weeks along now. It's getting closer and closer to "D-Day" as my book calls it. (That's a bit daunting, no?) A few weeks ago I had to get some nicer maternity shirts and the cashier told me that she went into labor at 35 weeks. GOOD CRAP! That's, like, four weeks from now. How is it possible that I'm going to have a child this soon? Weird.

Anyway, sorry about missing the "Monday" part of Maternity Mondays. 

About the mommy:
Name: Michelle
Age: 22
Is this the first child?: Sure is.

About the daddy:
Name: Nicholai
Age: 22
Is this the first child?: Better be. (Just kidding. It totally is.)

Finding out:
What day did you find out you were pregnant?: Um. Sometime early November. I don't remember the date. Does that make me a bad person?
How did you feel when you found out?: Well, I was pretty sure that I was knocked up before I went out and bought the tests. But, I was kind of shocked.
Who was with you?: Nobody.
Where were you?: ...In the bathroom? At work, actually. HA.

How did the daddy react?: He said, "............................REALLY?!??"

Telling the grandparents:

How did your parents react?: My parents were actually not as excited as I had imagined. They were happy for us, but not, like, jumping up and down YAAAYYY-ing.
How did his parents react?: His parents were thrilled. Somebody cried, I can't remember who.
How often do they call to check on you?: Not often. We live relatively close to both sets, so we see them pretty regularly.

About the pregnancy:
When is your due date?: July 8th
How far along are you right now?: 31 weeks. (Holy crap.)
Have you had an ultra sound?: Yep. I've had... 3... I think?
Have you heard the heartbeat?: Pretty much every checkup. :)
Sex of the baby: Girl
Are you happy with what you are having?: Yes. I had a feeling it would be a girl long before we actually found out. So far, all of my "motherly instincts" have been right.

About the birth:
Who is going to be with you?: Well, hopefully the doctor. Other than that (and nurses or whatever), Nick is the only one I want in the room.
Are you going to video tape it?: Um, NO. Not jiggy with the ideas of cameras down yonder.
Natural or medicated?: Medicated. Actually, can I have an epidural NOW?
Do you think you will have a c-section?: I'd rather not.
Do you think you will cry when you first hold your baby?: Maybe. But it might be leftover crying from, y'know, giving birth.
Do you know what you will say to the baby when you first hold it?: "Hi, baby." (Just kidding. I have no idea.)
Are you scared about the labor?: I'm becoming less and less scared as time goes on. I'd rather just get it over with, like, yesterday.

Do you have a name picked out?: Yes. Alexa Nayeli Bucholz.
Is your baby going to be named after anyone?: Nope.
Did the daddy help pick the name?: He picked the middle name. I picked the first.

Other random questions:
Where was your baby conceived?: Ha! Well, judging by the "date of conception" thingy that the hospital gave me, I'd have to say Miami on our way to the honeymoon. (That's right. We weren't even ON the honeymoon yet.)
Have you felt the baby move?: Oh, boy. I sure have. I wish she'd just quit it for a while. It's really starting to hurt.
What was your first symptom?: Honestly? My boobs hurt.
Will you have godparents?: Probably not.
What is the baby's room theme?: There really is no "theme" per se. I guess the theme would be "Oh, look! A baby's room!"

Are you ready to be a mommy?: Honestly, probably not. But there's not a whole lot I can do about it now.
What do you think the baby will be a "daddys girl/boy" or a "mommys girl/boy"?: Oh, she'll definitely be a daddy's girl. I can almost guarantee it.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Didn't Ask? Don't Tell.

First of all, I apologize for my hiatus last week. I just.... didn't feel like blogging.

Secondly, I've noticed some things during this pregnancy. I've noticed that I have a temper that seems to have a mind of its own, my ankles all but disappear into a puffy oblivion after five p.m., my arms fall asleep more often than I do and women everywhere will give you unwanted advice or inform you of how you apparently look to the rest of the world.

Like the other day, I was on a walk, y'know, minding my own business, when some particularly rotund woman asked, "WHEN'S YOUR BABY DUE?"

What I wanted to say: "When's YOUR baby due? Grief! You don't even know if I'm actually pregnant. I could be in the middle of some horrific thyroid issue for all you know." 
What I actually said: "Um, July."

She then proceeded to announce, "Wow. You look miserable."

What I wanted to say: "EAT CRAP AND DIE. You'll probably manage to get emphysema tomorrow considering the number of cigarettes I just saw you suck down." 
What I actually said: "Thanks..."

Jeez. Did the Good Lord run out of brain filters when He was making these people? On what planet is it okay to tell a pregnant woman that she LOOKS miserable instead of asking, "How are you doing?"

And then there are the advice givers/oversharers. These people like to tell you just how bad it's GOING to get, and what you're experiencing now is actually no big deal. Well, pardon me, ma'am. I happen to have not gone through labor yet. So, yeah, while I'm not experienced in the field of giving birth to triplets in the middle of the Vietnam War, I AM going to voice my annoyance at the fact that when I lie on my left side, my right arm falls asleep and I think it's weird.

I also think that the words, "Oh, just you wait till..." should never be uttered by a veteran mom to a novice mom. What exactly is the purpose of that? Are you VM's trying to get me to tie my tubes immediately after labor? Because, so far, it's working. 

What I said: "I'm tired."
What Mrs. VM replied with: "Oh, just you wait till she starts crying at all hours of the night and you can't figure out what the heck is wrong with her."

What I said: "Her head feels so huge!"
What Mrs. VM replied with: "Oh, just you wait till you're in the middle of labor and it feels like you're trying to pass the biggest poop of your life."

Just... stop. Did I ask you to share those things with me? No. Yes, I know I'm inexperienced. I know that I don't have any kids yet and I can't possibly know how hard pregnancy is until I have another rugrat running around. But, please, keep your opinions to yourself. I didn't ask for those stories on purpose.

Sunshine and smiles,

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Thursday 13

All RIGHT. I'll blog again this week. Jeez.

Just kidding.

Anywho, I was looking over my past posts and I noticed that I hadn't done a T13 in a while. So, we're linking up with Miranda @ All Things Lovely to discuss...


Wait for it...

Waaaait fooorrr iiitt...

13 Random Facts About Me

1. I have never in my LIFE built a snowman. Sad, right? I know. Who in Minnesota hasn't built a snowman? Lame people, that's who.

2. I'm actually still very much afraid of the dark. Not like I-need-a-night-light scared, but, if it's dark in the basement, I'm running like a bat out of you-know-where up those stairs.

3. I can't cross my eyes. Like, I'm physically incapable of it. I'm okay with it, though.

4. My favorite song is by Hanson. Seriously. 
...Don't judge me.

5. I love scrapbooks. I hate scrapbookING.

6. I love to sing. My best genres are country and...opera. Seriously. I actually have a four octave range. :) (I'm no Mariah Carey, but it's still awesome.)

7. My husband is my best friend. (Cue cheesy "awwwww" here.)

8. I don't like feet. They're icky.

9. I'm under five feet tall. No, that does NOT make me a midget. 

10. I've never learned how to swim. I got my super long, butt-length hair stuck in the pool filter when I was six and I'm scared to try again.

11. I didn't learn to ride my bike without training wheels until I was nine. Good grief, I was a wussy kid.

12. I always get dumb songs that I don't know the words to stuck in my head. How are you supposed to annoyingly sing along if you don't even know the words?

13. My Southern accent comes back with a vengeance every time I watch "Sweet Home Alabama" or "Carolina."

You're welcome.

All Things Lovely

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Maternity Mondays (On a Tuesday)

Just look at my belly.
How far along are you?: 30 weeks. (Holy mother...)
When are you due?: July 7th
Was this planned or unplanned?: Um. Pretty unplanned considering we got pregnant a grand total of five minutes after the wedding. (Okay, not really. But it might as well have been.)
How much weight gained?: Last time I checked, it was about 20 pounds. I feel prettyyy...
Is this your first pregnancy?: Yep. Succkkksssss.
Latest food craving: I desperately need a root beer float. STAT.
Baby's name?: Alexa Nayeli Bucholz
Worst thing about being pregnant?: Yeaahhh. Just about everything. Although she's getting REALLY big and is kind of making me think that I'm going to birth a 10 pound behemoth.
Best thing about being pregnant?: Well, Nick gives me foot rubs when I ask. ...Or cry.
The first person you told was: Nick. Y'know... the father?
Are you more scared or excited?: I'm actually terrified. 
Happy or mostly moody?: Um. Can I pass? Alright, fine. I'm moody a lot. Like, today at the grocery store, I kind of wanted to smack the cashier because he was taking too much. But, I'd like to believe that's normal.
Last time you cried over something ridiculous was...: This morning. I cried because I was gaining weight. ...shut up.
You pee an estimated ___ times a day: Oh, I'd say about 30 or so. I am not joking.
Weirdest dream you've had since you've been pregnant?: Well, I dreamt that I was being chased by a giant sausage. To escape from said sausage, I ran into some huge building that ended up being full of people waiting for Steven Tyler's autograph. Seriously.
Will you breast feed?: Not today, no. But after the baby's born I will.
Words of Wisdom: Make sure you KEEP WORKING OUT during your first trimester. No matter how tired you are, keep up the workout regimen. 

I know, I know. This is supposed to be Maternity Mondays. But, yesterday I felt like I had been hit by a bus, and blogging was really the farthest thing from my mind. I'm actually in the process of completely getting off of my anti-depressants and it's giving me some major withdrawal symptoms. In all honesty, I was going to skip blogging all week. (You'll get over it.) But, I was featured today on the lovely Julie's blog The Funny Thing of it Is and I figured that people might actually come and see me. So, here I am. Writing to you. However, this is only going to be a pregnancy update because I still feel like my head is caving in. 

Happy Tuesaday! (Or something)