Monday, May 7, 2012

Didn't Ask? Don't Tell.

First of all, I apologize for my hiatus last week. I just.... didn't feel like blogging.

Secondly, I've noticed some things during this pregnancy. I've noticed that I have a temper that seems to have a mind of its own, my ankles all but disappear into a puffy oblivion after five p.m., my arms fall asleep more often than I do and women everywhere will give you unwanted advice or inform you of how you apparently look to the rest of the world.

Like the other day, I was on a walk, y'know, minding my own business, when some particularly rotund woman asked, "WHEN'S YOUR BABY DUE?"

What I wanted to say: "When's YOUR baby due? Grief! You don't even know if I'm actually pregnant. I could be in the middle of some horrific thyroid issue for all you know." 
What I actually said: "Um, July."

She then proceeded to announce, "Wow. You look miserable."

What I wanted to say: "EAT CRAP AND DIE. You'll probably manage to get emphysema tomorrow considering the number of cigarettes I just saw you suck down." 
What I actually said: "Thanks..."

Jeez. Did the Good Lord run out of brain filters when He was making these people? On what planet is it okay to tell a pregnant woman that she LOOKS miserable instead of asking, "How are you doing?"

And then there are the advice givers/oversharers. These people like to tell you just how bad it's GOING to get, and what you're experiencing now is actually no big deal. Well, pardon me, ma'am. I happen to have not gone through labor yet. So, yeah, while I'm not experienced in the field of giving birth to triplets in the middle of the Vietnam War, I AM going to voice my annoyance at the fact that when I lie on my left side, my right arm falls asleep and I think it's weird.

I also think that the words, "Oh, just you wait till..." should never be uttered by a veteran mom to a novice mom. What exactly is the purpose of that? Are you VM's trying to get me to tie my tubes immediately after labor? Because, so far, it's working. 

What I said: "I'm tired."
What Mrs. VM replied with: "Oh, just you wait till she starts crying at all hours of the night and you can't figure out what the heck is wrong with her."

What I said: "Her head feels so huge!"
What Mrs. VM replied with: "Oh, just you wait till you're in the middle of labor and it feels like you're trying to pass the biggest poop of your life."

Just... stop. Did I ask you to share those things with me? No. Yes, I know I'm inexperienced. I know that I don't have any kids yet and I can't possibly know how hard pregnancy is until I have another rugrat running around. But, please, keep your opinions to yourself. I didn't ask for those stories on purpose.

Sunshine and smiles,

1 comment:

  1. This made me crack up! Glad you have your humor to get you through all that!


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