Tuesday, November 16, 2010

...and I'm on my knees looking for the answer

College is a dangerous game if not played correctly. Life in general is even worse. There always needs to be that forward motion. Unfortunately, there is no "standing still." You're either moving forward, or you're sliding back.

I'm trying so hard to find something to motivate me for more than a few weeks, but nothing seems to last. I go to college because I know that getting an education is important. But, in reality, all I really want to be is a mother. But, I suppose I need to take a step back and look at the Big Picture. Sometimes children need home schooling. If college isn't a success for me, how will I teach my kids? How can I help them with homework? How can I do anything at all for them? Maybe there's my motivation. I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this because I love my future children enough to learn now.

I've been feeling so adventurous lately. I just want to go out and live the life I missed out on. I want to be able to look back on my early years when I'm old and have these fantastic stories to tell my posterity. So far, I don't have much. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret anything. I just want to achieve more. I want to be more.

Lately I'm starting to feel more fulfilled, however. I have amazing friends who lift me up and help to bring me closer to my Savior. Sure, we goof off, but we also have some pretty awesome discussions about a lot of important things. I love them very much.

I also have a family who applauds and praises me for the good decisions I make, while allowing me to learn from the wrong ones. We have never been super close like other families I know, but we work well together. I know that I chose them in the pre-existence for a reason.

I have so many opportunities ahead of me, and I have the power to chose who I am and who I will become. Sometimes that thought is incredibly overwhelming, but most of the time it brings me such peace. It is incredibly liberating to sit back and discover for yourself the power you have in your own life.

I love my life and the people in it. Everyone I've ever met thus far has touched my spirit in some way. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for helping to mold my life.

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